I’m not talking about the kind of muffin top that you bake and is so scrump-crunchy deee-lish-us. Besides, they’re not even close to being low-carb, so you just know I ain’t even going there! I’m talking about that fashion trend that produces a roll of overhanging pudgy flesh created around the midriff by wearing low-rider type pants or shorts that are waaaay too tight, in combination with short shirts that are waaaay too short. Wikepedia describes it like this.
“Muffin-top” is a generally pejorative slang term used to describe the phenomenon of overhanging flesh when it spills over the waistline of trousers or skirt in a manner that resembles the top of a muffin spilling over its paper casing. This generally occurs when an individual wears low-rise, hip-hugger pants, or midriff-baring tops that are too small.
You’re beginning to get the picture aren’t you? Just in case your not…well, you know the saying…“a picture is worth a thousand words.” Or is it…you be the judge.
Now to this Southern Redneck Baby Boomer the Muffin Top trend falls into the same category as lots of other so called ‘fashion statements’ I’ve seen over the years. For instance, jeans with holes in ’em. Most of us grew up HAVING to wear jeans with holes in ’em, so we ain’t paying our hard earned bucks for jeans that already have holes in ’em. So, I keep seeing all these people with rolls of pudge hanging over their britches and a shirt that don’t even come close to covering it and I’m thinkin’…what’s up with this trend? Then my daughter educates me on the subject and informs me that this trendy phenomenon has a name…‘Muffin Top’!
It suddenly dawned on my lightnin’ fast mind that I’d had a muffin top for years and didn’t even know it. But nobody appreciated it. I hadn’t even tried to create mine, it just happened. Years of over consuming donuts and a myriad of other sugary, carb-laden goodies had expanded my waistline to the point it was just natural for my belly to roll over my pants. And being a plumber, it seemed my t-shirt was always running up my back like a window shade and exposing more than most folks cared to see. Then, just when I find out I was stylin’ and profilin’ with my ‘Muffin Top’, somebody comes out with a longtail t-shirt to cure ‘Plumbers Butt’. Oh, and I’ve already heard all the wise-cracks about ‘Plumbers Butt’, so please don’t send me anymore. Matter of fact, in this day of Political Correctness, it’s no longer called ‘Plumbers Butt’. That’s right, the much less offensive term that should always be used today is ‘Contractor Cleavage’.
So, to make a long story even longer. While getting dressed for work the other morning, I had put on my pants but hadn’t yet put on my shirt. As I turned around I accidentally ended up in front of a full length mirror in my room. Suddenly I noticed that the roll of pudgy flesh that usually rolled and flowed over my belt was shrinking. In all the excitement, I spontaneously yelled out, “Honey, I shrunk my Muffin Top!” She thought I had totally lost it again. So I proceeded to ‘splain to her what a ‘Muffin Top’ was and how my low-carb diet was shrinking my ‘Muffin Top’.
And I’m finding out that the more my Muffin Top shrinks, the less Contractor Cleavage I have. I may not need one of those long tail t-shirts after all! The moral of the story: You’ll not only lose pounds on low-carb, you’ll also lose your Muffin Top! And as Martha says, “That’s a good thing!”
There Really is Life Without Donuts!
Ron, aka The Former Donut Junkie